Professional matchmaker reveals the ULTIMATE relationship red flag that means you are ’99 per cent likely to break up’ with your partner

  • Paul Carrick Brunson appeared on an episode of The Diary Of A CEO podcast
  • The relationship guru said that ‘contempt’ is the number one reason for breakups
  • He also explained that conflict resolution is essential to a ‘highly satisfied relationship’

A professional matchmaker and life coach has revealed the ultimate relationship red flag that means you’re ’99 percent likely to break up.’

Paul Carrick Brunson appears on The diary of a CEO podcast, hosted by entrepreneur Steven Bartlett, to share his expert insight.

He dished that ‘contempt’ was the number one reason for break-ups with negative exchanges between couples leading to ‘hairline fractures’ that grow over time.

The relationship guru also explained that conflict resolution is one of the most important factors in achieving a ‘highly satisfied relationship’.

Paul Carrick Brunson appeared on The Diary Of A CEO podcast, hosted by entrepreneur Steven Bartlett, to share his expert insight

Paul Carrick Brunson appeared on The Diary Of A CEO podcast, hosted by entrepreneur Steven Bartlett, to share his expert insight

He dished that 'contempt' was the number one reason for break-ups with negative exchanges between couples leading to 'hairline fractures' that grow over time

He dished that ‘contempt’ was the number one reason for break-ups with negative exchanges between couples leading to ‘hairline fractures’ that grow over time

Paul’s ‘Four Horsemen’ that can ruin any relationship

  • Criticism
  • Defense
  • Stone walls
  • Contempt

In a recent episode of the podcast, which has been viewed more than 90,000 times so far, Paul sits down at a round table to reveal the biggest cause of breakups.

He begins by delving into the work of relationship researcher John Gottman who has studied “hundreds and hundreds” of couples to argue that there are “Four Horsemen” when it comes to partnerships.

“(Gottman) would look at how they interacted with each other and he determined that based on how they interacted is an indicator of whether they will stay together in a relationship,’ Paul explained.

‘He identified these four types of interaction that suggest things are a little wonky – and if he sees one of the four he believes with 99 percent accuracy they will break up.’

Paul, who has built a following of over 264,000 followers on Instagram by regularly sharing his insights, then explains what exactly the four indicators are.

‘One is criticism, one is defence, a third is stonewalling. But here is the biggest and I see it a lot – contempt,’ he said.

He continues: ‘If you have a partner who shows you contempt, as Dr Gottman would say, there is a 99 per cent probability that you will break up as a couple.

‘The reason for this is because real contempt suggests that you are on a completely different level than your partner. This is a level of disrespect. You tell your partner you’re not on my level anymore.’

The relationship guru (pictured) also said that hosting conflict resolution is one of the most important factors in achieving a 'highly satisfied relationship'

The relationship guru also told the host (pictured) that conflict resolution is one of the most important factors in achieving a 'highly satisfied relationship'

The relationship guru (left) also told the host (right) that conflict resolution is one of the most important factors in achieving a ‘highly satisfied relationship’

Paul, who is the author of Find Love: How To Navigate Modern Love And Discover The Right Partner For You, adds: ‘I see it all the time.

‘I see couples arguing and you see the eye rolling, the looking away the looking back – in just those moments one partner says “you’re not even on my level, you shouldn’t even be in my presence.”

“When you see that level of disrespect coming from your partner, you know they don’t respect you, they don’t value you.”

When asked where the seed of contempt comes from, Paul explains: ‘Met can start at a myriad of places.

‘I fundamentally believe it starts with us choosing bad partners. It starts with us choosing a partner with whom we have very little hope of completing the finish line.

“So we’re not on the same page in terms of our relationship goals, maybe we don’t share the same values, our partner isn’t kind to us, we can’t resolve conflict – and then every little interaction is another hairline fracture and it grows.

Most relationships don’t break because of one incident that breaks them due to hundreds of small incidents that happen over time.

“You get to a point where you can’t take it anymore, that’s how most relationships break up.”

Paul concluded: ‘The main reason why most researchers will say that we break up or we divorce is that they will point to finances or they will say fidelity.

‘But really what I believe it is our inability to resolve the conflict over those topics.

‘Conflict resolution becomes one of the key drivers to a highly satisfied relationship.’